10 Things Nobody Tells You About Motherhood

1. You will stop caring about what other people think of you.

If Academy Awards were given for temper tantrums, my toddler would outrival Meryl Streep for best performance. Able to transform from perfectly delightful toddler to borderline foaming at the mouth in .25 of a second, there is no telling where he will strike next. To the strangers offended by my wailing child on the floor of Whole Foods – sorry I’m so preoccupied raising my children that I thoroughly ignored your conspicuous disapproval of my parenting skills.

2. You will learn the true meaning of exhaustion.

You spend the greater portion of your 20’s working hard, partying harder, and burning the candle at both ends. You know everything there is to know about being tired, right? Guess again. The exhaustion following a night of alcohol-fueled bad decisions pales in comparison to the hamster wheel of motherhood. Sleeping all morning is no longer an option and unlike hangovers, sleep deprivation can’t be cured by mozzarella sticks and Gatorade.

3. Having a few close mom friends is essential.

Nobody understands both the joys and struggles of raising tiny humans quite like other moms, and during the first few years of motherhood these friendships are fundamental in maintaining your sanity. These relationships are often based on a mutual love of nap time and adult beverages and serve as the perfect outlet for commiserating over the challenges of the first year, terrible twos and raging “threenagers.”

4. You will kiss your vacations goodbye.

Although our children are seasoned jetsetters, I hesitate to use the term “vacation” to describe our getaways, as these trips are rarely relaxing. Gone are the days of floating down lazy rivers and reading US Weekly on a chaise by the pool. Suddenly swim-up bars have been replaced with swim diapers and sunscreen application is met with poolside meltdowns.

5. There will never be enough time in your day.

Despite your best pre-baby time management skills, it will be a continuous struggle to manage your never-ending to-do lists and overloaded calendar. You will inevitably try to cram your entire adult life into the small window between your child’s bedtime and the moment when you fall asleep on the couch still clutching your Iphone (while adamantly insisting that you aren’t, in fact, sleeping).

6. Your children (and their stuff) will take over your whole home.

Despite your best efforts to maintain a sophisticated home, your living space will become inundated with toys (most of which your child will seldom even use) faster than you can say “Paw Patrol.” I’ve always paid meticulous attention to detail, especially when it comes to keeping my home neat and organized. At first I shuddered at the sight of cumbersome baby gear alongside my perfectly-curated living room filled with French antiques. One gargantuan play mat, two exersaucers, two swings, and one play kitchen later, and I’m finally coming to terms with our new interior design.

7. Everyone is an expert on how you should raise your child.

Your colleagues, relatives, and even your barista at Starbucks will be eager to offer their unsolicited parenting advice, especially during your most challenging motherhood moments. Unless you can provide me with a copy of your “Mother of the Year” certificate, I will pretend to graciously accept and carefully contemplate your advice before walking away and complaining to my mom friends about our encounter.

8. You will appreciate silence.

Remember those peaceful Saturday mornings spent sipping cappuccino while quietly reading the New York Times? Me neither! There is no volume control to the soundtrack of motherhood, and flashes of silence are so infrequent that we often suspect our children are in danger when the room is too quiet. As I exit the elevator on the floor of my apartment building, I can already hear the cacophony of sounds emanating from my apartment – balls ricocheting off the walls and high-pitched voices vacillating between shrieks of joy and tearful whimpering.

9. You are way more capable than you ever thought.

I vividly recall the final few moments before leaving the hospital after the birth of my first child. As I strapped my fragile newborn baby into his car seat for the very first time, I marveled at the tiny defenseless creature before me. “They’re actually going to let us take him home?” I questioned my husband in disbelief. Like many new moms, I was incredibly intimidated by the enormous sense of responsibility that accompanies parenthood. It wasn’t before long, however, that my motherly instincts kicked into high gear and I was offering unsolicited parenting advice to other new moms – ha!

10. You will be eternally grateful for it all.

Although sometimes motherhood feels like an endless onslaught of tears, spilled milk, and low-grade fevers, there is no greater joy than waking up to smiling faces and rediscovering the world through their eyes. And every night before you go to sleep, you will pray for the tools to persevere through the chronic fatigue while secretly wishing that all of this will never end.